You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
