The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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