I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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