i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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