My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
