It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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