he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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