Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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