Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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