dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
