no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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