You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
