i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
