Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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