Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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