Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
