It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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