it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
