I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
