Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
