I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize