I am puke
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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