he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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