We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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