You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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