He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
