A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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