just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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