sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
