Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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