GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
