i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
