I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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