THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
