the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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