We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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