he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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