Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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