So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
