Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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