I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
