At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
