Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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