My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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