I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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