just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
