I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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