He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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