i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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