I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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