this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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