paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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