come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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