just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
