i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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