so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
