90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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