I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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